John Torode Resigns As RASE President

Celebrity chef John Torode has resigned as president of the Royal Agricultural Society of England (RASE) after only four months in the job.

It is thought that Torode threw his toys out of the pram when served a slightly overcooked rack of lamb in the RASE canteen, according to reports circulating inside my head.

"Whoever succeeds me, it's gonna change their lives," he said. Adding "we're looking for an amateur president of the Royal Agricultural Society of England that can make it as a professional."

"Being president of a Royal Agricultural Society doesn't get tougher than this."

"The road to being president of the Royal Agricultural Society of England is littered with failed chocolate mousse," he concluded.

Before pausing to add "Nah, lamb, pineapple, prawns and custard just doesn't work for me. Where's that bald bloke?"