Happy Christmas From The RPA

The Rural Payments Agency says that it has already paid around 80% of claimants under the Single Farm Payment Scheme since the payment window opened on Dec 1st.

That's a darn sight better than their performance last year, when three people had been given some loose change that the RPA had found on the bus.

They say that 86,500 farmers out of the 107,500 claimants have already been paid around GBP1.31 billion, which averages out at GBP15k a throw if you're interested.

That should pay a few bills, and if there's anything left over maybe treat Mrs Farmer to a trip to the Ann Summers shop in town for some nice underwear and 'things'?

I always had trouble undoing Mrs Nogger#1's bra (unlike the lads from the rugby club), that was until I realised it was completely different to the ones my gran used to wear.

Still, to be fair I DID feel guilty about grinding up those pills and putting the into my gran's tea every night for all those years, but I'd never have forgiven myself if she'd have got pregnant.