Met Office Confirm Britain Getting The Wrong Weather By Mistake
This is an extended Open University educational version of an earlier post....
What's going on? It's Wimbledon and Glastonbury and it's sunny, warm and dry. There's something not quite right here. It's even dry in Scotland, yes Scotland, where the midges and ginger people live. They've only had a third of their normal deluge this month, and Scottish Water have confirmed they were preparing their first drought order in six years.
In Cumbria, yes the Lake District, that place where it always rains all day every day (bullets sometimes). Yes here they are talking of hosepipe bans coming in next week. It has been the driest start to the year since 1929 in Cumbria they reckon, and of course normally they've got so much of the wet stuff that they're giving it away. To Manchester usually, where they are now also talking of hosepipe bans coming in. That explains why Rooney is playing like he couldn't score in a brothel (despite intensive training in his younger days), he's concerned about Colleen's trailing lobelia drying out.
Now they are saying that Wales and the South West of England are next. That's the place they've dubbed the South Wets in recent years. Wales, it's always raining and miserable in Wales, I thought it was compulsory. The locals aren't happy unless they're miserable, it's a well known fact. I'm sure that they brought special laws in just to ensure it was always miserable in Wales, that's why the pubs were always shut on a Sunday for instance. You had to make your own entertainment on Sundays in Wales in those days. You know what I mean don't you? Or should that be ewe know what I mean? "I'm just off up the top field to check them there ewe's Myfanwy*." "Bloody hell Idris, you're always off up there, checking them there ewes and that, isn't it? I sometimes think you love them there ewes more than you love me, and that, isn't it bach."
Today the Met Office have confirmed that the Canadians have been getting all our weather by mistake, and we've been having theirs, something to do with similar place names. Canada, Cumbria, Saskatchewan, Sauchiehall Street, Manitoba, Manchester, Toronto, Truro, Alberta, Llandrindod Wells. When you look at it like that it's easily done. They've got a new girl in the admin department and she's been filing the weather in the wrong place, Met Office CEO Heyugetoffa McCloud, told me by telepathy.
* Educational footnote#1: Myfanwy, daughter of the Norman Earl of Arundel, was said to be the most beautiful woman in Powys (not such a tricky achievement as it sounds).
Many men went to Dinas Brân to court her, but she had nothing to do with them, even if they were rich and handsome (unlikely in Wales) because they were unable to compose and sing poems that supposedly reflected the depth of her beauty. (Remember this was in the pre-Benny Hill days).
Only one man, Hywel ap Einion, a penniless young bard who lived in the valley below the castle, was said to have the talent to satisfy Myfanwy. Luckily, Hywel was in love with Myfanwy (he wasn't, he just thought he was), and one day he plucked up the courage to climb up the hill to the castle with his harp, to sing and play to her. (Firestarter, by the Prodigy)
He was allowed in to play for her, and while playing and complimenting her on her beauty she was said to have been unable to either listen or look at any other man. (For at least ten minutes).
Because of this Hywel believed that she had fallen in love with him (so he dashed out and saddled himself with an enormous loan from Ocean Finance in 18,000 easily affordable monthly repayments for the rest of his life to extend and completely refurbish the castle for Myfanwy. They were in love after all).
His hopes were dashed when a richer, more handsome and more eloquent lover (the captain of the local rugby club, say) arrived on the scene. Hywel was discarded and quickly forgotten by Myfanwy. (Hywel came home from work one night to find his smashed-up harp in a not too carefully arranged collection of bin bags in the hall and Myfanwy upstairs strumming on someone else's harp. Myfanwy got the castle, and Hywel rightly lost his hovel at the bottom of the hill that he'd put up as security too, so it was all very fair and amicable. And they all lived happily ever after. So chin up no harm done eh Hywel old lad, so stop harping on** about it will you, you're doing my head in.)
** Educational footnote#2 - From Nogipedia: "Harping on", to continually moan about the same old thing. Named after the famous Welsh harp-playing peasant Hywel ap Einion, who was a right moaning old git. See also "Hywel never let it lie will you?"
What's going on? It's Wimbledon and Glastonbury and it's sunny, warm and dry. There's something not quite right here. It's even dry in Scotland, yes Scotland, where the midges and ginger people live. They've only had a third of their normal deluge this month, and Scottish Water have confirmed they were preparing their first drought order in six years.
In Cumbria, yes the Lake District, that place where it always rains all day every day (bullets sometimes). Yes here they are talking of hosepipe bans coming in next week. It has been the driest start to the year since 1929 in Cumbria they reckon, and of course normally they've got so much of the wet stuff that they're giving it away. To Manchester usually, where they are now also talking of hosepipe bans coming in. That explains why Rooney is playing like he couldn't score in a brothel (despite intensive training in his younger days), he's concerned about Colleen's trailing lobelia drying out.
Now they are saying that Wales and the South West of England are next. That's the place they've dubbed the South Wets in recent years. Wales, it's always raining and miserable in Wales, I thought it was compulsory. The locals aren't happy unless they're miserable, it's a well known fact. I'm sure that they brought special laws in just to ensure it was always miserable in Wales, that's why the pubs were always shut on a Sunday for instance. You had to make your own entertainment on Sundays in Wales in those days. You know what I mean don't you? Or should that be ewe know what I mean? "I'm just off up the top field to check them there ewe's Myfanwy*." "Bloody hell Idris, you're always off up there, checking them there ewes and that, isn't it? I sometimes think you love them there ewes more than you love me, and that, isn't it bach."
Today the Met Office have confirmed that the Canadians have been getting all our weather by mistake, and we've been having theirs, something to do with similar place names. Canada, Cumbria, Saskatchewan, Sauchiehall Street, Manitoba, Manchester, Toronto, Truro, Alberta, Llandrindod Wells. When you look at it like that it's easily done. They've got a new girl in the admin department and she's been filing the weather in the wrong place, Met Office CEO Heyugetoffa McCloud, told me by telepathy.
* Educational footnote#1: Myfanwy, daughter of the Norman Earl of Arundel, was said to be the most beautiful woman in Powys (not such a tricky achievement as it sounds).
Many men went to Dinas Brân to court her, but she had nothing to do with them, even if they were rich and handsome (unlikely in Wales) because they were unable to compose and sing poems that supposedly reflected the depth of her beauty. (Remember this was in the pre-Benny Hill days).
Only one man, Hywel ap Einion, a penniless young bard who lived in the valley below the castle, was said to have the talent to satisfy Myfanwy. Luckily, Hywel was in love with Myfanwy (he wasn't, he just thought he was), and one day he plucked up the courage to climb up the hill to the castle with his harp, to sing and play to her. (Firestarter, by the Prodigy)
He was allowed in to play for her, and while playing and complimenting her on her beauty she was said to have been unable to either listen or look at any other man. (For at least ten minutes).
Because of this Hywel believed that she had fallen in love with him (so he dashed out and saddled himself with an enormous loan from Ocean Finance in 18,000 easily affordable monthly repayments for the rest of his life to extend and completely refurbish the castle for Myfanwy. They were in love after all).
His hopes were dashed when a richer, more handsome and more eloquent lover (the captain of the local rugby club, say) arrived on the scene. Hywel was discarded and quickly forgotten by Myfanwy. (Hywel came home from work one night to find his smashed-up harp in a not too carefully arranged collection of bin bags in the hall and Myfanwy upstairs strumming on someone else's harp. Myfanwy got the castle, and Hywel rightly lost his hovel at the bottom of the hill that he'd put up as security too, so it was all very fair and amicable. And they all lived happily ever after. So chin up no harm done eh Hywel old lad, so stop harping on** about it will you, you're doing my head in.)
** Educational footnote#2 - From Nogipedia: "Harping on", to continually moan about the same old thing. Named after the famous Welsh harp-playing peasant Hywel ap Einion, who was a right moaning old git. See also "Hywel never let it lie will you?"