eCBOT Closes Higher On Stunning US Revelations

eCBOT futures closed higher, buoyed by ideas that the "Great US Bailout" will stimulate the economy and put an end to the financial crisis.

Later today the Fed will also unveil it's plans to solve the Middle East problem and promote world peace. It is also rumoured that they have found a cure for the common cold, know the secret of eternal life and can strike a match on a jellyfish.

Corn closed around 10c firmer on the news that Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson will jump through a flaming hoop live on CNN at 2.30pm this afternoon.

Soybeans finished around 32c firmer on the back of Ben Bernanke's plans to swim the Atlantic, whilst wheat managed to post gains of 14-19c as it was revealed that George W Bush can shit gold bars.

Early calls for this afternoon's CBOT session: Corn futures are expected to open 8 to 10 higher; soybeans 30 to 35 higher; wheat 15 to 20 higher.