Who's Drinking All This Milk?

Brokers will have to be rationed to four modest portions of meat and one litre of milk a week if the world is to avoid run-away climate change, warns a report cited in The Guardian.

The report, by the Food Climate Research Network, based at the University of Surrey, also says total food consumption should be reduced, especially "low nutritional value" treats such as alcohol, sweets and chocolates.

Well, you can blame me for most of those. I have four 'modest' portions of meat for breakfast most days. A couple more modest ones for lunch and a substantial one for dinner. My alcohol consumption is also well documented, and I confess to being no stranger at the sweetie counter at my local Londis.

What I want to know is who's the Charlie drinking all this milk? Morning cereal is for girls, hairdressers and estate agents, we all know that. The average male broker's daily diet consists of a full English with a mug of tea, followed a couple of bottles of Lucozade (for energy purposes).

A light lunch consists of a pie or two, maybe a Scotch egg, a couple of packets of crisps and a few more pints of lager (more on a Friday). For his evening repast, a typical heterosexual broker like myself will consume something like a full-on steak dinner with all the trimmings followed by copious quantities lager before bed.

Not a lot of milk there is there, so where's it all going?

My money is on Spanner letting the side down with his lightweight milk-guzzling ways. I'll be keeping a very close eye on his supping at the next trade dinner. A pint of Baileys my arse. That's gold top with a dash that is.

Or possibly Ken Page, I bet he can eat muesli like its going out of fashion.