Nogger's Newsround

President Bush has gone up in my estimations by slapping a 300% import tariff on Roquefort cheese, in a two fingered salute to what the Septics lovingly refer to as the "cheese-eating surrender monkeys" just days before he leaves office. Well in, Bushy.

Israel are on the verge of agreeing a ceasefire I see, now that they have got their noses in front. What's the score in this "perfectly justified we are only defending ourselves" match 1100-13? Quite close then? What a surprise that they should come up with that one ten minutes before Obama takes office.

And this toxic bank thing. Who in their right mind would want to open an account with them? On second thoughts, I might just so I can see what their debit card looks like!

I see Boy George has gone down then? Phnar, phnar. That's like putting a kid in charge of a sweet shop. Not much of a punishment if you ask me, they should try playing him Karma Chameleon over and over for fifteen months, now that really would teach him a lesson.

If Channel 4 and Five merge will they become Channel 9 or Channel 4 1/2? These are the kind of things that keep me awake at nights.

Research shows that having no sex on a first date is the secret to a successful relationship apparently. The theory is that men who are willing to wait a bit are seen as being more reliable. As many of you probably know Nogger has a considerable reputation as a caring and sensitive lover. I always wait, at least until the lady has counted the money.

PS - yes I do realise that the "bad bank" won't be like a normal bank. Cheers.