Domino's Find Every Cloud Has A Cheesy Lining

Domino's report booming first quarter sales as the recession bites and staying in becomes the norm.

Like-for-like Q1 sales were up 9.3% as British consumers sit in front of the TV on Saturday night's watching quality viewing such as the Domino's sponsored "Britain's Got Talent" whilst stuffing their fat putrescent faces with copious quantities of Spicy Hot Ones, swilled down with two litres of full fat coke.

Online sales rose 31.7% as many customers can't now be arsed to stagger five yards to the telephone to place their order, preferring instead the intimacy & social interaction of buying via their PC.

Presumably these customers also have their pizza's pushed through their letterboxes so that they don't have to wade though twelve months of unopened post to actually answer the door.

Their lounges resembling the set of Wayne & Waynetta Slob's house with half-empty take out containers, mountains of ironing that never gets done, a child called Chantelle crying in her pram and a dog crapping un-noticed in the corner.

"Our underlying trading during the period continued to show good growth. We are pleased with our current performance and trading continues to progress in line with expectations," said Domino's chief executive Chris Moore.

Here's an idea for you Chris, take their giros direct from the government and organise for free pizza and two litres of coke to be delivered to every council house in Britain during the commercial break in Corrie. Inspired!