Milk Link My Arse #2

I read with avid interest this morning that my old chums at Milk Link have proudly announced the opening of a new Innovation Centre located at the multi award-winning Taw Valley Creamery in Devon. Way to go, I will certainly be paying it a visit next time I'm in the area.

To kick off the opening with a bang they've launched a new product: Tickler…Cheddar That Spreads.

I've just written their Customer Services Dept. the following letter:

Dear All

I see that you have been busy opening a new Innovation Centre and guess that is probably why you haven't been able to find the time to respond to my previous letter.

Luckily for you I too have been very busy clearing the shed out for winter, so despite repeated efforts by Arla and Dairy Crest to secure my business, my order is still very much yours to be won.

You will recall, if you check your records, that I'm in the market for six months supply of free milk, having grown tired of my existing arrangement with Arthur my local milkman and his irritating electric milk float that sounds like a Dalek whisking up my road at 6am. I've checked with my solicitor, and he says that a verbal agreement, such as the one that exists between Arthur and myself, can be terminated by either party at any time. That leaves the door open for Milk Link to step in and commence supplying me without any legal ramifications.

If Arthur decides to play difficult, don't worry I can handle myself and I have got a border terrier. Just in case though, it may be an idea to make sure that the delivery lad is fairly 'handy' if you get my drift. Not that I'm condoning violence you understand, but it's sadly a dog-eat-dog world we live in and Arthur may take exception to you muscling in on his 'turf' I think they call it.

In a nutshell all you have to do is supply me with free milk for the next six months and I will consider paying for it after that. Seeing as you are now launching Tickler…Cheddar That Spreads, you may wish to also tender for my cheese order. I'm all for helping you get a new product off the ground, but warn you that you are going to have to undercut some serious competition from Mr Jackson, my local cheesemonger. He already supplies me with all my cheese-related requirements for free, so I'm afraid if you want to get Tickler into my fridge you are going to have to do better than that.

Please note that formal written tenders must be in by 5pm Friday 11th September, so you are going to need to get your skates on. Please clearly mark your sealed bid MILK or CHEESE as appropriate, to enable your tender to be processed as quickly as possible. Happy bidding.

Your sincerely etc

PS the Arla lads are coming down the path right now, I'll pretend I'm not in.

For some background on this, if you don't know where I'm coming from see here: Milk Link My Arse