Barley Market Will Soon Be On Fire - Simon Cowell

Multi millionaire pop guru and that bloke off the telly who wears his trousers too high, Simon Cowell, says that the global barley market is all set to the next big thing.

Announcing plans to personally groom barley for stardom, Cowell says that he's confident he can "sex-up" the grain by giving it a short skirt and a skimpy lycra top.

"I'm going to relaunch barley with a whole new glittering image, everyone will want it, it'll be £200/tonne by Christmas mark my words," gushed Cowell.