Nogger's Thoughts On Climate Change

As world leaders and their entourages head off to Copenhagen to discuss climate change, the first thing I'd like to know is how are they getting there?

Yes, they're going by plane, and not just one plane either, loads of planes from all around the world will be belching out their exhaust fumes on the tarmac in Copenhagen.

That's going to help isn't it?

Some 'experts' say we should eat less meat, that will sort the job out. We'll have fewer cows and pigs farting away, destroying the precious ozone layer that we've worked so hard to protect.

If the Polar ice caps are melting, send them for counselling. Get ACAS involved, they'll be able to spin the whole thing out for years no problem.

If we're going to be basking in 80 degree sunshine every summer, then I won't need to go abroad will I? That should help my carbon footprint. And if the tide's come in a little bit further than normal, than I won't have to walk so far when I fancy a little dip either will I? More energy saved.

Keep me well away from cabbage, sprouts and baked beans for safety reasons, you can just see the hole in the ozone layer getting smaller as I type.

Feed me lots of good quality meat, from local farms and I'm a happy bunny. Danish bacon, no thanks, keep it in Denmark. More energy saved.

Here's a radical idea, let's walk to the local shops for our groceries every day. Let's buy fresh local produce from Peter the butcher, and Sally the fruit & veg girl. Or do you actually like getting pushed and shoved round Adsa, sending all your money to Wal Mart Towers. Buying strawberries that have been flown in from Kenya to go with your Christmas dinner, then finding that somebody has removed the wing mirror of you car with their shopping trolley whilst you were gone?