Gordon Brown Gets Surprise England Call Up

Ousted unelected former PM Gordon Brown has received a surprise call-up to the England squad for this summers World Cup in South Africa.

Some pundits are suggesting that England coach Fabio Capello might have got the overweight 59 year old mixed up with Manchester United central defender Wes Brown, but Capello insists that this is not the case.

"I er, how you say, intend to play him in a holding midfield role, because he is so bloody difficult to shake off," said Capello.

The England boss held secret talks with Brown over the weekend, I can exclusively reveal. "He assured me that he will lose a couple of stone by the start of the tournament next month, and that is good enough for me," added Capello.

Brown, already nicknamed Cyclops by his team-mates, said that he was looking forward to a new challenge as he had become disillusioned by the lack of appreciation and respect he had been getting at club level recently.

"Some nights I used to go to sleep crying my eye out. Mr Capello has asked me to do a job for the country, and I will do it to the best of my ability," he said.

"I've been working with my advisers and I've come up with a few tactical suggestions which we will need to implement immediately if we are to have any hope of winning the World Cup," said Brown.

"I'll start by naming my starting eleven for the opening game against America on June 12th," he added.

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