There's Something Wrong With The Weather

What's going on? It's Wimbledon and Glastonbury and it's sunny, warm and dry. There's something not quite right here. It's even dry in Scotland, yes Scotland, where the midges and ginger people live. They've only had a third of their normal deluge this month, and Scottish Water have confirmed they were preparing their first drought order in six years.

In Cumbria, yes the Lake District, that place where it always rains all day every day, unless there's a shooting going on. Yes here they are talking of hosepipe bans coming in next week. It has been the driest start to the year since 1929 in Cumbria they reckon, and of course usually they've got so much of the wet stuff that they're giving it away. To Manchester normally, where they are now also talking of hosepipe bans coming in. They won't be bothered as they never wash anyway, the dirty Mancs.

Now they are saying that Wales and the South West of England are next. That's the place they've dubbed the South Wets in recent years. Wales, it's always raining and miserable in Wales, I thought it was compulsory. They brought special laws in to make it miserable in Wales, that's why the pubs were always shut on a Sunday. You had to make your own entertainment on Sundays in Wales. You know what I mean don't you? Or should that be ewe know what I mean? "I'm just off up the top field to check the ewe's Myfanwy." "Bloody hell Idris, you're always off up there, checking them there ewes and that isn't it?"

So it looks like the Canadians have been getting all our weather then, a mix up at the weather office, something to do with similar postcodes. Canada, Cumbria, Saskatchewan, Sauchiehall Street, Manitoba, Manchester, Alberta, Aberystwyth there when you look at it like that it's easily done. Maybe we could import some Soil Association-approved GM-free rain in 25kg bags from them? It's worth looking into.