There's Something Odd Going On North Of The Border

Another thing conspicuous by it's absence was ginger people. Didn't see one, not one, in the entire journey. What's going on I ask myself, is there a wee bit of gingocide going on up there I wonder?
Also missing from the action were kilts, cabers and deep fried Mars Bars and mountains were a bit thin on the ground too. Actually thinking about it I'm not really 100% sure that the train actually took me to Scotland at all. I may have gone to a fake, pretend Scotland, a bit like the Christmasy Laplandy place that those fellas got into trouble over the other week.
I have to say that the lovely people at Scottish Agronomy were incredibly kind, friendly and hospitable too, picking up the tab for everything. Also I could understand every word they said. See what I mean?
There was whiskey all over the place mind, I didn't go down for breakfast this morning but I'm sure that there was Jock juice on offer there too.
I'll probably wake up in the morning to find it was all a dream. Still, I'll send the invoice in all the same just in case it really did happen.
Cheers boys.
Late update: Just changed trains at Edinburgh. It was almost a fiver for a beef burger and 30p just to go for a wee. I think I am in Scotland after all.