Ask Nogger

01/04/11 -- Today's problem comes from Andrew from Chichester, he writes:

Q: Dear Uncle Nogger, I wonder if I can ask your advice as you are doing one hell of a job in your Uncle Nogger column. I have great difficulty getting up in the morning and as a consequence do not get into work until early afternoon. I have tried cockerels and alarm clocks to wake me up all to no avail. Can you suggest any ways which could help me please as I am worried that it may lead to other vices.

A: You could try hooking up with MrsN#1, Andrew. The thought of her crawling all over you at seven in the morning is enough to have you pinging out of bed at 6.30am with no difficulty whatsoever. Think of Clarissa Dickson Wright in a shortcut chiffon peephole babydoll nightie after a very heavy might on brandy and babycham and you're halfway there.