Ask Nogger

Posted by Nogger - a legend in his own mind at 19:36 | Categorized as

17/01/12 -- Today's problem comes from A Farmer in East Anglia, he writes:

Q: Dear Nogger, I'm one of those minted cereal farmers to which you refer with page 3 models and famous actresses & pop stars like Kylie Minogue constantly pestering me. I'm no oil painting and have been told that going out on a date with me is like trying to fight off a sweaty octopus, but that doesn't seem to put them off. I also find the idea of using a knife and fork abhorrent. However, I do farm 700 acres of prime farmland, live in an enormous mansion and have three Jags which is what they seem to like. Now that I've got my wheat in the ground all I have to occupy me is counting my money until harvest time comes around in the summer. Yet I can't help harping incessantly on and on and on about the fact that I only sold my wheat for £200.00/tonne ex farm last year when the top of the market round here was £200.01/tonne. My question is this: With all this money and female attention is it really that wrong to still fancy my sister?

A: What part of Ipswich do you come from?