Nogger's Blog

12/12/12 -- I love it when the date is a palindrome. Or does today really qualify? Technically in a court of palindrome law I suppose it isn't, but it's close enough for me. Anyway, stop going on about the date will you, there's work to be done. It's Christmas, and what do we get at Christmas time boys and girls, that's right MAGIC!

Our chums at the USDA have sprinkled a bit of fairy dust around the world, given everything a good old shake up and come up with some magic all of their own.

First off we have the glaringly obvious question that is "how can Argentina export 7.5 MMT of wheat this year when the government have already said they are capping exports at 4.5 MMT?" Unless the USDA IS the Argentine government, and knows that it's only mucking about.

That's before we even get onto the question of Argentina producing 11.5 MMT of wheat this year after all the problems that they've had from plantings that were said to be their second-smallest wheat area in 110 years.

There are possible question marks too over Australian wheat production at 22 MMT and Chinese output of 120.6 MMT, and that's before we get onto China's massive new 208 MMT corn crop. If in doubt raise China's production, nobody knows what's going on there anyway so who can say it's wrong?

Then we get onto the subject of not increasing US soybean exports for 2012/13 with 78% of the current projection already either shipped or on the books. Sales of 1 MMT in tomorrow's report would take that past 80%.

Bah, humbug. Anyway I'm going to tell you a magic joke to cheer you up....

Snow White, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo are sitting in a pub.

Snow White says, "There's no doubt about it, I'm the fairest in the land."

Tom Thumb says, "There's no doubt about it, I'm the smallest in the land."

Quasimodo says, "There's no doubt about it, I'm the ugliest in the land."

To prove it all three head off to the magic all-knowing mirror in the bogs at the back of the pub.

A few minutes later, the bog door bursts open and Snow White runs in and says, "It's official...I am the fairest in the land!"

Shortly afterwards, the door again bursts open and Tom Thumb runs in and shouts, "It's official...I'm the smallest in the land!"

Five minutes later, the door gets booted open and Quasimodo storms in and says, "Who's Iain Dowie?"

If you're foreign, or a girl, and especially if you're a foreign girl going "Who is Iain Dowie?" then either you must be Quasimodo or you need think carefully before you click the link to find out:

Iain Dowie: Snog, Marry, Is It Human?