Burrell: I'm having a Royle baby!

Former Royal butler, convicted liar, slight dyslexic and desperate Wannabe Paul Burrell has today revealed in his newest book "Your Secret Is Safe With Me Your Majesty," that he is having Ricky Tomlinson's baby.

"He told me he was a member of the Royle Family so obviously I let him do what he wanted," sobbed Burrell, "He sold me a line and I stupidly swallowed it," he went on. "I'm not homophobic, I just don't like it in my face," he insisted. "I thought he was the Duke of Kent, with that beard and that, and it was a bit dark," said Burrell.

Next week: "Burrell: I've done the Queen Mother without her teeth in"