Nogger's Bottom Ten
Nogger's bottom ten nationalities, in no particular order:
1. The French, rubbish at wars, smell funny, always on strike and they have a stupid language - why do inanimate objects like a chair have to be either male or female?
2. The Germans, quite good at wars, but got absolutely no sense of humour whatsoever.
3. The Indians, corrupt liars and that chicken starter I had in the Dil restaurant that time was almost raw.
4. The Chinese, better cooks than the Indians, but also as bent as a nine bob note.
5. The Argies, see the French above.
6. Americans, no explanation required. Who DO they think they are?
7. The Welsh, always moaning and pretending to talk Welsh. I went into a shop in Wales to buy a paper once and I swear they all started talking Welsh only after I went into the place. The woman behind the counter looked at me in a "who is this strange man talking his foreign language, this is a local shop for local people" sort of a way. Then they all started talking in English again the minute I left. And I once put an offer in on a house in Wales at the full asking price, only to be told by the estate agent that she couldn't accept my offer as she'd promised to hold the house for the daughter of a woman who lived in the village who was coming to look at it next Friday.
8. Australians, arrogant, they seem to have forgotten that they are all descended from jailbirds.
9. Austrians, not to be confused with 8 above, never get involved in wars if they can help it, apart from Hitler of course. Wear stupid little daggers down their socks.
10. The British, always acutely embarrassing on holiday with their irrational dislike of foreigners.
That's it, no room even for the Jocks and their deep fried Mars bars, wearing Honduras replica footie shirts just because they're playing England.
1. The French, rubbish at wars, smell funny, always on strike and they have a stupid language - why do inanimate objects like a chair have to be either male or female?
2. The Germans, quite good at wars, but got absolutely no sense of humour whatsoever.
3. The Indians, corrupt liars and that chicken starter I had in the Dil restaurant that time was almost raw.
4. The Chinese, better cooks than the Indians, but also as bent as a nine bob note.
5. The Argies, see the French above.
6. Americans, no explanation required. Who DO they think they are?
7. The Welsh, always moaning and pretending to talk Welsh. I went into a shop in Wales to buy a paper once and I swear they all started talking Welsh only after I went into the place. The woman behind the counter looked at me in a "who is this strange man talking his foreign language, this is a local shop for local people" sort of a way. Then they all started talking in English again the minute I left. And I once put an offer in on a house in Wales at the full asking price, only to be told by the estate agent that she couldn't accept my offer as she'd promised to hold the house for the daughter of a woman who lived in the village who was coming to look at it next Friday.
8. Australians, arrogant, they seem to have forgotten that they are all descended from jailbirds.
9. Austrians, not to be confused with 8 above, never get involved in wars if they can help it, apart from Hitler of course. Wear stupid little daggers down their socks.
10. The British, always acutely embarrassing on holiday with their irrational dislike of foreigners.
That's it, no room even for the Jocks and their deep fried Mars bars, wearing Honduras replica footie shirts just because they're playing England.
