The Lunchtime News

06/06/11 -- It seems that you can't trust anybody any more doesn't it? No sooner have we discovered that the Germans were somewhat premature in telling the Spanish to stick their cucumbers up their youknowwotsits when the problem was in their own backyard, than we now discover that the Russians may have been telling porkies with regards to the size of their grain crop last year.

Top site report Russia grain losses exaggerated by up to 6m tonnes, adding some weight to the notion that the real reason behind the recent lifting of the embargo may be to make some room for the coming new crop. My Romanian correspondent was in Russia recently and suggested that there was indeed some truth in reports that despite a "disastrous" harvest last year the ports are still choc-full of grain looking for a home.

None of it is expected to be headed for Algeria though, they've just bought 600,000 MT of what is thought to be French wheat over the weekend. Poor Russia must be wondering what they need to do to win an order. After being reputedly USD70/tonne cheaper than US wheat in last week's Lebanese tender, they still missed out to the tune of USD15/tonne to those cheeky scamps the Ukrainians.

By my lightening fast calculations that makes Septic wheat USD85/tonne out on price into the Middle East. I was always good at maths though, did I ever tell you about the time I tipped Grundy to win the Derby to my maths teacher Mr Dale? He set the rest of the class come complicated calculus and told them to shut up whilst me and him were hanging out if the classroom window listening to the race on his car radio - which he'd thoughtfully parked adjacent to the maths classroom. Happy days.

In an interesting bit of trivia, did you know that the dog's website is now getting 7,000 hits/month of it's own? I bet that's more than some of your corporate sites. Not only that but I am delighted to report that the little fella is about to start buying his own biscuits as he has now secured his first ever paying advertiser! Don't email him to tell him that there isn't an ad on there yet, he's waiting for all the legal stuff to be signed first. Not bad for a two and a half year old border terrier.

London and Paris wheat are lower after weekend rains turned up in many parts. The slippery garlicky surrender monkeys appeared to get the lion's share of it, although the glow in the dark beansprout peddlers got some too. In God's homeland "scattered" seems to be the watchword, with some in the SE reporting locally heavy totals, yet others not that far away receiving only a few millimetres. Still, that's what you get for living Darn Sarf innit?

The Drought may cost UK farmers £400m says the Daily Bellylaugh today. Mind you, according to EULEAKS Britain's farmers get GBP3 billion a year in subsidies. Discuss.

And now for that funny little story, from the dog, at the end of the news like they used to do in the old days: My mate Frank