Ask Nogger

29/10/14 -- Today's question comes from Joe Farmer of Ponteland:

Q: Dear Nogger, why eye like, I know the wheat markets gone up a bit like in the last few days an' all that, but I still cannae make ends meet like. And to make matters worse like me missus is like reet ugly like. And the council only come round to empty the bins once a fortnight now, and I've got eight bairns and me missus is as fat as a hoose like. And they only give us one bin, and that's usually full by Monday like. Can you explain to me what a stochastics oscillator is?

A: I get asked this one all the time Joe. Simply write to the council and tell them that you have a clinically obese partner, take a photograph of her if necessary, and tell them it is a basic human right under section 74 of the Geneva Convention to have a bin for every day of the week if you want one. Explain politely, but forcefully, that you want 13 extra bins delivered to your house first thing in the morning or some gypsy gentlemen of your acquaintance will be calling round to the council offices to "rearrange" a few things. No. Next.