Ask Nogger

30/10/14 -- Today's question comes from Brian Sausage of Steeple Bumstead:

Q: Dear Nogger, I'm at my wits end and don't know who to turn to, so please help. I've sold all my wheat at the bottom of the market, my herd of prime pedigree beef cattle have all got TB, the wife has run off with the captain of the local rugby club and my son came home from agricultural college at the weekend and announced that he's gay and now wishes to be called Doris. My question is this, the binmen are refusing to take my recycling bin after the lid blew off it in a storm, what can I do?

A: That's a tricky one Brian, as legally binmen can do whatever the hell they like. Try painting your other bin the same colour as the recycling one on a bi-weekly basis, that's worked for me in the past.